breathe out.

love, love and love

2005-02-04T07:56:00.000-08:00

"We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, and hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives."

a tribute to my TRUE friends

2005-01-19T22:25:00.000-08:00

"I got true friends." - Siguro nga, ito ang isa sa mga bagay na nakakapagkumpleto at nakakapagpasaya ng buhay ko. Friends, indeed, helped me to grow. They were there through all the tough times that I had been through. Trusting them was not really difficult for me because they had always assured me of their eternal friendship. Aside from my superfamily (hehe), my superfriends were beside me through sadness. They never failed to kiss my tears away. (NAX!) I am not sure if I'm always the good friend to them. I know I'm not perfect, but my promise is that I'll be there for them when they feel that there's nowhere to turn to.

I'll try my best to return every favor,
When you're sure that you'll drown,
then I'll be your lifesaver;
Even if we both go down.
Whether we sink or swim
doesn't matter at all,
Just know that I'll be there
whenever you call.

***Thanks for making me complete. You know who you are. :)

I have never been this happy. Thank you.

God is good!

2004-12-31T21:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last post.

My Thailand trip was great - shopping, shopping and shopping.

Wait.

During my last day in Bangkok, everyone in our hotel was watching CNN. I was sort of curious on what was happening, and I was really shock upon hearing that there was an Asian tsunami which killed at least 13,000 people. Many people were dead across Asia because of the world's most powerful earthquake in 40 years. The most shocking part is that Phuket, Thailand was one of the affected area. Thoughts suddenly ran through my head. As we were planning to have this trip to Thailand, my mom was also considering to go to Phuket. My gulay! Thank God, my dad backed out with this plan. I was really down when my dad told me that we were not going to Phuket. I have always loved the beach, and I really thought that our trip to Thailand will be better off if we would go to Phuket. Buti na lang! God didn't allow us to be affected by this wrath. Whew.

As I got home here in Philippines, some of my relatives and friends were checking on us. They were all worried. I feel loved.
This is a text message from Paul's mom- "Austine, after watching the news now, I can only kneel down to praise GOD. You all were saved from this wrath. Please do the same. God loves you and your family, and we all do."

Hay. :)

a mixture of emotions

2004-12-21T01:25:00.000-08:00

I'm jumbled. :( mix mix mix. I can't even think of the right term to describe what I am feeling right now. I am feeling alone, but I know I have someone. I know that I have people around me, but still, I am feeling empty. AAArggggghhhh... Why? Why? Why?

Oh well. :(

I'm really looking forward to my Thailand trip on Wednesday! I want to shop, shop and shop. I want to release stress. I want to have my smile back again.

I am missing someone... couple of people dear to me.

Anyway, hafeeberthdey to my dear friend, Lexi. I love you. :X for real.

singing my gratitude

2004-12-08T01:13:00.000-08:00

How can I sing my gratitude?
Explain my silent sea,
Approximate in words the gift,
That you have been to me,
How can I show my love to you?
Elucidate that golden drift,
Rolling wild and free?
- Nicholas Gordon

Exactly. How can I let each person who have touched my life ( in one way or another) know how I feel? I feel so contented and happy! Woohoo. Life has been good to me. It had been eversince. Wala nga daw akong problema eh. Mababaw daw ako. I am, but at least I am happy. Well, sa totoo lang, hindi naman ako super babaw. (Aba, defending.) hehehe. Pero ganoon talaga ako eh. People who know me would surely say that I am an open person, that I am an open book. I don't hide anything from them. ('Yan ang akala niyo.:P) I don't wonder in the darkness. My deepest feelings are often shared. Well, this is the way I am, but I do feel pain, too. Emptiness is inevitable. It exists eventhough we never asked for it. It just does.

Anyways, to the people who have touched me, appreciation from me. :) You made a difference in my life. You have showed me how it is to be loved. I'll never be the same person that I am right now kapag wala kayo. You made me into a better person. I can't thank you enough. Most importantly, I don't want to lose those people who are close to my heart dearly. You know who you are. I am not going to mention anyone. The thing is that I am scared of losing you. :( I need you people. :)

there is no such term as permanence.

2004-12-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

I need to explain first. Sorry. Been a while. I've been so busy... busy with eating and sleeping. mwahahaha. But at least... there's still an effort on my part. hehehe I admit that I am not really consistent in writing, but believe me, I'm trying to. :P

This week will surely be a hell of a week. I still got lots of pendings - term papers and long (as in LONG) exams, but LAZY ME. I still have the guts to go to Glorietta and buy a new white curdoroy jacket from Terranova. (Thanks Mom! You are the best! :D) More to the point, my college life is getting better and better... Sige na nga, because of my very special friends who always love to bully me. Yes people, I am always tortured, maltreated, tormented and abused by these people - JL, Lexidork, Sheena and Gretchie. (Those names are arranged accordingly to the pain that they have caused me.) Wahahaha. I am serious.

Thoughts and Questions... Arrrrgh. Is there really permanence? Love can be felt at the moment, but also has the chance to vanish at once, hardest part--->without anyone knowing it. Love can be so strong, but can also weaken. Love can be so right, but can also be so wrong. Love can make one happy, but can also make one miserable. Love is such a complicated thing. I hope not. :(

My sister got this from a book.

Some days I just can't seem to focus.
It's hard to concentrate on what's going on around me, on what I am doing.
It's been getting worse lately.
Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed from the moment I wake up in the morning, as though something bad is going to happen.
I can't breathe right.
My hands and feet are cold.
My head hurts.
I feel like everything I do from sun up to sun down is just to keep this bad thing from happening.
And everyday I have to do more and more.
It is exhausting.
Nothing that I do is ever enough.

I feel like I am always being watched.

I hate being watched.

getting a hold of all the pieces

2004-11-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

We can't change a fact. --- a statement that would often, if not always, remain something upsetting to me.

Firstly, our Faastigan presentation made me miss theather so much, as in so much. Eversince, I knew how theather will always remain close to my heart. It's something I want to do for the rest of my life. (This is not an exaggeration.) I really love to sing at the top of my lungs. It makes me feel that I am able. Music just soothes my soul and gives me the feeling of serenity. I don't know why, but it does. Anyway, no matter how I try, I know that I wouldn't be able to find the perfect words that would "perfectly" express on how much I appreciate music, on how much I wanted, and still wanting, to sing.

But, it doesn't just stop there. This event happened to made me realize how our block became so bonded. I admit... I did'nt really love our block before. (SORRY!) But I thought most were so selfish and different. They just seemed so different from me. But then, at the end, I realized that what made us special is our uniqueness. I have to question myself, why only now? :( It's a fact that I have to face.

Guys, I don't know but I think Raul has a point. It is possible that God planned to do "this". Indeed, we didn't bagged the first place. And I know God has a purpose. I am not making myself feel better. I am just open with the thought that this experience would (again) bond our block more. It will surely give us the chance to compromise, forgive, comfort and applaud each other. The load is getting heavier whenever I see someone in pain, someone who still can't get over what happened. I can't blame anyone. Like Alex, I don't want to see you guys hurt, coz I am getting hurt too. :(

Come whatever, I am still proud of us... (And I hope you are, too.)